ukku

I love her so much more than anyone else will ever know, i hate how i feel about her. I go from extremely happy. Happier than i am with anyone or happier than i can be doing anything in the world. But she also drops me down to feeling shitter than anything else. More upset than my how i felt over my dad. Its definately true, being replaced is the worst possible feeling in the world. I want her back even though it may not be good for me. She could make a million mistakes but i’d still be there for her, which could be such a stupid thing. But i just can’t resist her cute wee smile, her beautiful blue eyes, her long curly and most importantly all the things that she brings out in me that no one else will be able to. I hate how stupidly in love i am. I feel so dumb that i can’t move on, she makes me so upset most days even without talking to me. Just the thought of never holding her again drives me insane. I’d do anything it took for her. The love we shared, i wish… grr. I just wish i didn’t screw things up. I feel like its my fault. I hate how things ended and the things she did drove me to change who i am. But now its been so long. No feelings that i’ve had for her have dissapeared. Its horrible. I keep going back to her, or seeing her. Or something, anything. To try and have another chance with her. I hate being desperate. I need help. But nothing works, everything can take my mind off it. But the only thing that fixs it was her, being there, talking to me, hugging me, making me feel like the most amazing person in the world. Basicly, i love her more than anything else in the world. I would do anything for her and its not good. But i still want to be with her.. Fuck this.